Blood Gulch Blogger

I was reading Us Magazine this morning because I already did patrol and had nothing better to do (it was Donut's, don't you dare give me that), and there was this blurb about Brad and Angelina taking their kids to some Broadway show. They didn't say which one. I hate it when magazines withhold information like that.

Anyway, so there's this picture of them, right? And it's pretty cute, even though they practically look like a jungle gym with all the kids all over them, but then I look at Brad Pitt.



What the hell is that god-awful goatee he's got? It makes him look like a decrepit Fu Manchu or something.



If it's an attempt at a disguise, it's a miserable failure. We can still tell you're Brad Pitt, dumbass.

_{Oh, and look closer, even Zahara hates being confronted with that horrible monster of hair.}

...I'm hazarding it's a guess that you guys are all having computer problems, but aren't smart enough to fix them. I know we did -- Not that any of you will care, but keep this in mind anyway: never, ever leave Sarge alone with a computer for an extended time. I had to reformat our entire hard drive for it to work again. God. I don't even want to know what he was doing with it.

Also, Grif, you lazy ass, stop playing that fucking video game. I didn't get it for you so you could ignore your responsibilities even more. Some of us have some expectations around here from you, despite the fact you haven't really done much in the past. Don't make me resort to blackmail. I will, I so will.

Anyway. Are you blues having computer issues too? Because I doubt any of you know how the hell to fix them. If you pay me money (a lot, a lot, a lot of money) I'll troubleshoot it for you.

It feels like it's fucking 3 in the morning but it's only noon. Long story short, trip went just fine, we're here with all our bags, we'll see Grif's dad tomorrow after we all get some rest.

Now I'm going to bed.

Grif actually made good on his promise. I was a little surprised.

Land of the Lost was actually pretty good, despite the fact it was so different from the shows I used to watch as a kid. I would go in-depth about different parts of the movie I did and didn't like, but I know how some of you are about spoilers so I won't. I think this post might get a little too long if I did, anyway.

Anyway, after the movie I had to use the restroom so I guess Grif just kind of loitered around looking at the different arcade games they had in the lobby, because when I got out he made me play some and then made fun of me. Like there was this one that was basically a whack-a-mole but with alligators. I'm proud to say I got a much better score than he did. Being a cyborg comes in handy. Most of the other games were kind of lame, though.

Oh, and according to this "Love Meter" thing, I'm irresistible and Grif is only sexy. Take that.

Well, it's pretty obvious that no one around here likes me, so I might as well just go away like you all want me to. I'm tired of getting treated like shit in real life AND online.

If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room.

[[OOC: Don't worry, I'm not leaving for good, he's just being emo today]]

Somebody, and I'm not naming any names, decided that it would be a good idea to put a fucking snack cake on the passenger seat of the warthog to save for later. That same somebody, and I'm still not naming any names here, forgot about said snack cake until about 5 hours later, after it had already turned into a pile of chocolate mush. Chocolate mush that I had to scrub out of the upholstery for about half a century. That somebody, whose name may or may not start with the letter G, really has it coming. I might actually poison your next meal this time.

And why the fuck were there 3 different kleenex boxes in the warthog? On second thought, maybe I don't want to know.

Oh right! I got the newest issue of Us Weekly today. Angelina still hasn't had her baby! I thought she was due in April. Those fuckers at the magazine better not be lying about it or there'll be hell to pay.

Well, I've finally found time to sit down and make a blog post. Goddamn that Grif, pushing all his work off on me. Does he really think he's helping himself when he does that? Nope. He's just going to get fat and ugly, and when someone finally attacks us he'll be the first to die. I hope you're reading this, asshole.

Today I cleaned all of my guns and some of Grif's (I'll let you figure out which ones); reorganized the storeroom according to necessity, size, and weight; helped Donut repaint the rec room because Sarge was doing important things and Grif was monkeying about like always; and kept watch on top of the base for 3 hours straight. Overall a pretty ridiculous day. Hopefully tomorrow is better.

You know what, I'm going to figure out a way to get a feed of this blog to my internal computing modules so I can blog more often. This was kinda fun. One question I want to ask about this whole thing, though: why the fuck won't commenting work? I don't want to waste an entire blog post replying to people when I could be writing about everything that happened to me that day.

Whatever. I guess since it doesn't work yet, I'll have to reply here anyway.

1. Grif, as much as you like that music you've been raving about, I don't like hearing it blasting down the hallway in the middle of the night. Especially that screamo stuff. It's cutting into my beauty sleep. Turn it down, asstard.
2. Tucker, would you stop calling us a married couple?! We do not sound like that at all! Goddammit!